May 6, 2019

The Contagious Wave

I was driving down a two-lane road that cut through a dense, wet forest. It was raining and off in the distance I could see a person waving at the passing cars.

This was not a Queen Elizabeth-style wrist-rotation wave, mind you—but a full-blown overhead-arching howdy-do to each car that drove by.

I smiled in spite of myself. Because, really, who the heck is so cheery on such a dreary day?

Now I smile and wave at cars, too, while walking the dog. I consider it proper, country-road etiquette. However, my smile is tepid and my wave is minimal because I don’t know who’s inside the car and whether they’re friendly or not. Or, frankly, whether they’re worth my wave. But I do wave, cautiously, nonetheless.

Clearly, this woman – this older woman I realized as I got closer—felt differently. And as she waved to each passing car, I’m quite certain she managed to brighten nearly everyone’s day.

How do I know this to be true? Because of the impact of our mirror neurons.

Ever yawn when someone else yawns? Beam when you see a happy baby? Laugh because someone else is laughing? That’s your mirror neurons at work. They allow us to literally feel what others are feeling and experience their emotions.

We are social beings and, in fact, our brains have grown so big because we are wired for connection. As Dr. Giocomo Rizzolatti, the neurophysiologist who discovered mirror neurons through his work with monkeys (learn more here) explains:

“We are exquisitely social creatures. Our survival depends on understanding the actions, intentions and emotions of others. Mirror neurons allow us to grasp the minds of others not through conceptual reasoning but through direct simulation. By feeling, not by thinking.”

Mirror neurons are responsible for how we learn – love – survive – thrive – and probably imitate violence, too. It means that when we see happy people, there’s a likely chance we’re going to experience some of their happiness, too.

In short: that woman’s wave was contagious. And she had a significant impact that morning.

In fact, her happiness positively impacted 25% of the people in her network within a one-mile radius, and 15% of those beyond! The next level – first degree of separation – had a positive impact on 10% of their network, who then had a 6% positive impact on their friends and associates. (Christakis and Fowler, 2008)

I am NOT encouraging a “Don’t worry, be happy” mindset. That would be blind optimism because when we turn our backs on reality, we lose our ability to empathize, to problem-solving and to see things for their true reality.

What I am calling out is the impact of connection and relationships: something that is innate to our brains and behavior and yet appears to be increasingly devalued in our professional, political and community conversations.

Because whether you’re on the giving end and feeling great, or on the receiving end and needing a lift – empathetic connections are the glue that hold us all together.

So whether you’re the woman who waved (even if you’re a man), you make the world around you just a wee-bit better.

It can be that easy – and just a wave away.

Emotional Intelligence, Happiness, Leadership Development, Resilience, Stress Management, Team Building, Uncategorized , , ,
Deene Morris
About Deene Morris
I’m a lifelong learner and student of leadership – servant-leadership to be specific. As much as I teach and facilitate, I spend equal time in my own learning and development. I’m passionate about people and the potential to work better together. I’m naturally empathetic – and like all our gifts, it’s a blessing and a curse. However, it serves me well with clients. Because I’ve been there – in the good, the bad, the ugly, and the transformational. I don’t take my clients anywhere that I haven’t been myself. I’m a lifelong fan of Swiss psychologist, Carl Jung – and grew up in a family of origin where we used Psychological Type to navigate our (many) family challenges. As a result, I learned to value holistic learning systems and assessments, exactly because they don’t put me or anyone else in a box or with a label. Because life is about learning, stretching and growing – not rigid, cookie-cutter molds. I thrive on curiosity, possibility and opportunity.

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